To Hell and Back

I thought that 2013 could only get better, but I have been to some sort of personal hellish state since the year has started.

I feel you there- holding me up.

 

GAME FACE

When you have a lot on your plate, and you are on a train that has no intentions of slowing down, you must just keep going and pick up your pace. A body in motion stays in motion.

You must put on a smile and let all of the positive things in life help you overcome all of the negatives.

Keep healthy and happy and hold your head high no matter the situation!

Keep the happiness in your soul and the love in your heart.

May your higher beliefs help you through!

Death

Quiet
Calm
Peace
Tears
Separation
Disassociation
Chills
Sadness
Loss
Memories
Grief
Anger

Gone before we were ready to let you go.

We will miss you, Mother, but you will forever be in happiness!

143
 

letting go of the ghost that slips into my dreams at night...

.....




Ana behibek







........


I can tell you apart.

I will never replace that time in my life.

I will go now and let it be.


And....

ana behibak

PEACE IS THE ONLY ANSWER!

Just a scare- I hope

So, I go tomorrow for an urgent mammogram due to an abnormal shaped lump in my right breast with several other "tmi" symptoms to go along with it.

To say the least, I'm a bit nervous!!

Pain

Pain

betrayal
lies
cheating
emptiness
womanizer
hurt
sadness
confusion
emptiness
crushed
cold
closed
dead
heartless
breathless
wronged
embarrassed
ashamed
dirty
sick
lonely
disappointed
unloved

To take in more than you can handle

Once you see something, or hear something, you can't erase it from your memory. Our brains are funny like that. They hold on to every minute thing that it has been exposed to. We may not always be aware of everything that we have trapped away in our brain, but everything is in there somewhere.  Lingering around. Trying our very being for everything it is. 

Knocking us down and kicking us when we least expect it.

How do we overcome things that we don't even know how to wrap our understanding around it?

I am sitting here almost lifeless from knowledge that I didn't want, and now that I have it, I don't know how to pick up and carry on the way that I did before.

I keep thinking that it was a dream, but when I wake up, I am hit with that same sick feeling in my stomach that reminds me that sometimes the truth hits us like a ton of bricks, and we will never be the same again.

I don't know how to swallow this.

I don't know how to accept the ugliness of the truth that I really already knew.

Just hope that I find a way to move past this, and I remember the saying, "This too shall pass."

need nursed to health

I was/am so happy to see you here.

I have been hit with the flu, and to have you close to me makes me feel your warmth.

I can feel the sea breeze from your end to mine.

I long for your healing touch.

Thank you for letting me see you here.
Your presence means so much to me.

Living on the edge

Who have you sent to be my messenger?

I believe it to you.

You could have someone to log in from home to throw me off.

I feel you in my bones.

Where else do I feel you?

In my .
Inside my entire being .

Like you have inhaled me into you, or I inhaled you.

The strength of this feeling has overcome me and sucked the life out of me.

Keep breathing me in....it's intoxicating